Project: What Now?

Back to the Basics

Some of the hardest times in our lives come ten-fold. 

I gave in to my sudden rush of emotions and broke down today, racking my brain trying to understand what I was thinking and feeling. I came to no conclusion, and found no source of relief until I was able to express my emotions via telephone to the one person I conceal my deepest, darkest fears to.

Upon doing that I was able to rationalize my thoughts and come to an understanding of why I was hurting so much. It’s the simple fact that life gets too complex for us sometimes. We run and run and run, whether it’s to our next life experience, or away from past experiences. We’re always running. This is a habit I have a hard time breaking, because I am an object under the influence of physics and constantly in motion until a force acts upon me. This poses multiple problems, because I eventually lose touch with myself and begin to spiral out of control (not fun.) 

I guess I can only say this:

Life is as simple as you make it, and in the same sense, as complex as you make it.

I can fantasize all I want about what future I want to have, where I want to be in life and what I expect…but none of that will ever come until it comes. I wrap myself in thoughts of the future and where I need to be and who I need to be, but it does me no good, it doesn’t do good for anyone. We have to slow ourselves down, pull the parking break and let go of the wheel…the rest will happen. 

It’s times like this where I come back to myself, I get so overwhelmed with emotion about how I managed to lose my mindset and well-being to this crazy, hectic, disease-ridden world around us. When I say disease-ridden, I mean an epidemic of constant motion. We are sucked into a black hole of fast-paced satisfaction, and sudden results with quick fixes and minimal work (if only life were so easy.)

I don’t need to rush through my life and where I’m at in this moment, because it’s really all I have. This universe isn’t going to stop because I ask it nicely to do so. It’s going to keep moving, with or without me and I have to decide if I want to let that define who I am or not. It can be so easy to lose yourself, and yet it’s so difficult to find who you are again after you’ve let it go for so long. 

We all need to take time out of our day to reflect on who we are, and who we want to be. Take time to just plug in a set of headphones, or open a book, or take a walk, because those times are when you really find yourself. When you are inspired by what you hear, see, or feel, that is when you grow. 

I know that these difficult times will pass and I’ll come out stronger than I ever thought possible, but right now I just have to keep a level head. I have to find my inspiration and use that as a tool for my growth. If you can find a healthy, nourishing escape from this hectic world, I suggest you run with that and hold on to it…because that’s what will get you through the darkest of nights and even the brightest of days. 

I am the captain of my life…and this ship ain’t going down yet, bitches. 

Blocked

It’s been quite a while since I’ve wrote anything profound in my blog. That thought actually makes me really sad, because I usually have a ton of things to say, but lately my mind has been everywhere but where it should be. That cozy little spot in my brain where I can go and let out all my emotions through words.. I really haven’t been going there as often as I should, that’s probably why I have this crazy, irritating writers block. Sigh. I honestly don’t have anything interesting to say to my miniscule amount of followers, and if I type any more it’ll just be a ramble. So I’ll stop here. Catch yah later, Tumblr.

string plucking

So what’s the time frame for the “honeymoon” phase everyone talks about?

Is it possible to stay in a time frame where there’s no such thing as a beginning and an end to an unrelenting expression of love and appreciation?

I’m sure anyone who reads this, and knows me, and knows my current position in life is going to give an annoyed sigh and a simultaneous eye-roll to what I’m about to discuss in this post; but, c’mon guys…you’ve got to be happy for me right? I sure hope you are, anyway.

I for some reason (and that reason would be music…a particular person’s music, to be specific) felt compelled to write about how unbelievably up in the air, over the ocean, through the woods in love I am. It’s been blowing me away actually, because this doesn’t happen to very many people I don’t think.

When you look at someone you’re interested in, or your current fling, or even your partner of years and years do you see that person as your corresponding being? Is there a spark that ignites when you see them, touch them, or even just think about them? For me, it’s a beautifully engraved Zippo lighter that ignites in my mind with the most outrageous flame you’ve ever seen. It’s beautiful, hypnotic and pleasant to stare at…that’s how I feel when I think about him. I hope there are others that can relate with me, because it’s such an experience and I am so blessed to have it in my life.

When I think about partnership and love it’s something very complex and somewhat difficult, I would say. Finding someone that shares your mindset, understands your opinions and completely accepts your minor flaws that make you who you are is a pretty daunting task for the modern-day hopeless romantic.

I don’t think love is something you create over time…I think what you create over time is a mutual understanding of the love that’s already instilled in each person individually. You have love inside of you, you either choose to unleash it onto the world and the people around you, or you save it, hold it inside until someone who understands your ability to love and breaks through that barrier. The love I currently share is something that involuntarily broke down every wall I ever built and every standard I ever had about what love really was. I look at life, love, decisions and situations completely differently because of the bond I’ve created with another person. That’s what love is to me. Love is something you foster deep within yourself and when you find that person who mimics the love inside of you and the spirit inside, it’s an immediate connection and you have no choice but to accept it because you subconscious and your inner being have been yearning for this person whether you realize it or not.

Love is easy. When you’ve found that person who constructs a new life inside of you, that’s when you know. It isn’t about sharing interests in music, rooting for the same sports team, or even about who’s paying the bill when you go out to dinner. It’s a mutuality that you both are on the same level, you’re a team and no matter the circumstance you will always work together to find a solution, and if there is no solution you will adapt accordingly…together.

I think couples use the word “together” too loosely or just not enough.

A relationship should be cherished. There should be a common goal to preserve it, nourish it and build upon it. Working on opposite sides is never going to get you where you need to be mentally, physically or spiritually. Conflicting views are bound to happen, but how you go about discussing those views is key…it’s not about who’s right, who’s wrong or who didn’t do the dishes, it’s about togetherness.

The concept of being together has been lost and it’s sad to watch it deteriorate throughout the generations. Everyone wants to be out for themselves, taking their own path, disregarding others in a way that makes it impossible to create connections that may be the very beginning of who you could be. You have to take into account the importance of togetherness in love. Isn’t that what it’s about to begin with? You’re with someone because you feel that they fulfill a void, or because they bring out the very best side of you, because they make you feel special, irreplaceable, beautiful, internally and externally.

If you love someone, work with them, don’t fight them. Love is not about a competition. Love isn’t about who bought the best Valentine’s day gift. Love is not holding your partner back because you don’t “trust” other people Love is not winning the argument, getting your point across, or even about who’s right. Love does not relive the negative past. Love does not take one for granted. Love is not between two people.

Love is the person you both become together. Love is open to ideas. Love agrees to disagree. Love is apologetic. Love gives and receives. Love looks at the whole, not the individual parts. Love respects values. Love is understanding. Love is an open door of communication. Love is compromising. Love is watching that movie you hate, but you know they love it. Love is call in the morning. Love is blinded to any surrounding temptation. Love is a gaze shared for just a minute longer. Love is harmonious, melodic, moving. Love is complete comfortable silence. Love is observant. Love is everything that brings you happiness, that makes your heart sing and gives light to the darkest moments. Love is the being inside of you.

Love is the shadow to your soul, and when you find that shadow; the reflection of the person you’ve always wanted to become, you know you’ve found it. It’s staring you in the face and you couldn’t fathom a single doubt.

That’s when you know.